Somewhere along the way, America has turned the cross into a trendy symbol for peace and love. You see a cross, and you've been trained to think "Christ came. Victory is mine. Everything is ok." We all smile at church. We aren't allowed to let out our honest, desperate cries because everyone else has it all together. Cover up your pain and sing in the choir so everyone sees Christ in you. The cross paid for it all, so its all good. This semester I have frequently heard the statement "Church is the Christian prom." At first I only understood it a little bit. But my eyes are opening.
I am heart broken. I am in pain. I am disappointed and confused. I am in a hard place. I don't have cancer. My parents aren't getting a divorce. We have not gone bankrupt. To those facing these situations, my issues would seem light. But that does not erase my pain. Christians are not here to sit around and compare sufferings and try to make each others' pain seem pathetic. "There is always someone worse off." That's true. But that does nothing at all for everyone else who hurts. I want permission to experience grief. I find myself longing for the church that I am unable to attend currently. Why? Because I want to walk in the house of God with my pain and freely and corporately worship with people who also have issues. Why do I feel the need to heal from my heartache before I attend my home church? Is it because I know I can't fake a smile good enough to fool them? Or because the honest expression would be shocking and uncomfortable? Is it because if I go to the alter and weep, the assumption is that I have fallen away and am overcome by the desire to be back in God's will? How can that be an assumption? A Christ-follower shouldn't even be blogging about this issue because the issue is senseless when we look at the cross.
Jesus said we would have trouble in this world. Jesus said we would suffer. Our hearts will be broken because this place does not work according to the design within us. Should pain not be expected? Where did we get the idea that following Jesus meant sunny skies and fulfilled dreams? Driscoll said "Many of us come to Jesus so we never have to go where He went." How did we conjure up that logic? Jesus suffered and said "follow me." How does that request come to mean "live my victory, but not anything else"?Somehow we have been deceived. I mean- He lived that life as an example for us. Why would He have His life recorded if the principles were not going to be applicable. If we are going to follow Him, we are going to face pain just like He did. So let's stop acting like church is "Show how easy life is with Jesus" time. Let's worship Him in our pain. Let's worship Him in our joy. Let's worship Him in our confusion. Reality is that we signed up to live a life following the guidance of a man who knew sorrow well. We did not accept a Savior who offered a comfy-cozy existence until heaven. I want to worship Him honestly. I did not know I would feel the heartache I am now. And I don't know the heartache that will come. But I need to recognize that it will come. And He has to be enough. He has to be enough. I don't have to paint a whimsical facade of a victorious life. My life-portrait will include my own failure, my heartbreak, my doubt, my fear, and my trials. But its not about me. It's about His radiant and unending beauty. I don't have to pretend that I'm there, because I'm not. I cling to a blood-stained cross, not a velvet couch. Church, we cling to an object of torture. That's our symbol of hope. Let's drop our masks and worship.
