Last night I was telling my friend Stephanie about counseling people at the Crisis Pregnancy Center. It is so rewarding. It is terrifying and thrilling all at the same time. I told her about sharing the Gospel and women getting saved. It is so outrageous to be a tool in someone's salvation and to get to witness it! Then we talked about what happens when a client doesn't accept Jesus. What do you do?
She said, "I would want to just keep them there forever."
I said, "I know! Its so hard to draw the line. You can't make the decision for them. You just have to do your best to help them understand what an important decision it is and urge them towards Him. You know? You can't beat them in the head with the Bible. Sometimes you just have to say 'OK. Could I pray for you before you go?' and let them go. But honestly sometimes I want so much to lock the door and not let them leave until they choose Him."
I was mentally replaying this conversation while I was in the shower this morning. When this situation happens with clients, my heart goes crazy. "Don't you understand? This is your eternity in the balance! This is Jesus! He loves you!" It is downright torture to watch someone walk away from His love. But I have to let them go. I started thinking, "Why? I wish I could choose it for them. Its the best thing for them anyway."
Then I hear God's voice, "It's love." Spiritual smack in the face. These clients aren't even walking away from me. They are rejecting Him. How much more must He be tortured when a soul continues without Him! But He lets them go. It's love. It's been this way since the Garden. He let Adam and Eve choose because He loved them. Then I recognize what torture He must feel from me. Yes, I have accepted Him as my Savior, but I sin every day. At some point during my day, I choose evil. I reject His ways. And He lets me! Even though He knows what is best for me, He lets me reject Him. How painful. He's made His point throughout eternity. His Word is always available to me. He has already said how important every decision between good and evil is. But He doesn't choose for me.
He lets me go. Of course, He is ever pursuing me, but He lets me have the option to choose Him or me. Love is crazy. He endured the torture of the cross. But He still endures torture everyday as He chases after us even when we don't choose Him. How much He must love us!
How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He would give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Jonah
Jonah 3:1-2
Then the word of the Lord came to Jonah the second time saying, "Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and call out against it the message that I tell you."
The second time.
God's message and purpose is unchanging. His plan had not changed. He wanted to save the Ninevites. God was incredibly patient to go to Jonah a second time, to allow him to still be a part of this plan. Maybe Jonah wasn't asking to be used by God before refusing the marching orders, or maybe he was. I don't know.
First of all, this was not Jonah's mom telling him to get his goats out her flower bed. This was God speaking. Jonah should really not have to be told twice.
Next, I realize that the verse does not say "Jonah, would you like to do something for me in Nineveh?" But while God is certainly telling Jonah to go, he is allowing Jonah to be a part of something great. God doesn't need Jonah to do this. He could send whoever He wanted to, but He chooses Jonah. Even after Jonah runs, God pursues him. He wants Jonah to be a part of this. God's patience is beautiful to me in this passage. So the situation probably didn't seem beautiful to Jonah- go tell a fiercely violent enemy that they are going to die. I imagine it looked absurd to him. But as I read it, I was thinking "Jonah, God is gonna use you to bring a people to Him! Go! Go! You get to be a part of something wonderful! God is being so good to give you another chance. He wants to use you."
And then the sword aspect of God's Word comes. Stab. I wonder how many times God has had to tell me something twice. Not only I am completely arrogant and retarded not to obey the first time, but I'm also just as narrow minded as Jonah. I can sense God leading me in a direction that's scary and uncomfortable. And since that's all my shaded eyes see, I hesitate. God tells me twice and more. He is so patient not to blow out by obstinate life candle right then. He is also so kind to offer me a position in His plan, even after I say "No thanks" or "I'm sorry. What?" I remember several things in my life that I would have never chosen to go through, but He led me through them anyway. Even when the situations were terrifying and painful, I was a part of something beautiful. How different could my perspective of pain be if I recognized the everlasting beauty of God's plan and His goodness to include me in it.
I have to stop and thank God- For everything I've been through. For what I'm going through. For what I will go through- because although it may not be appealing now, I can sense His voice echoing my comments to Jonah: "Come on, Chanel. I know it's scary. But I'm gonna do something incredible here, and I want you to be a part of it."
Then the word of the Lord came to Jonah the second time saying, "Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and call out against it the message that I tell you."
The second time.
God's message and purpose is unchanging. His plan had not changed. He wanted to save the Ninevites. God was incredibly patient to go to Jonah a second time, to allow him to still be a part of this plan. Maybe Jonah wasn't asking to be used by God before refusing the marching orders, or maybe he was. I don't know.
First of all, this was not Jonah's mom telling him to get his goats out her flower bed. This was God speaking. Jonah should really not have to be told twice.
Next, I realize that the verse does not say "Jonah, would you like to do something for me in Nineveh?" But while God is certainly telling Jonah to go, he is allowing Jonah to be a part of something great. God doesn't need Jonah to do this. He could send whoever He wanted to, but He chooses Jonah. Even after Jonah runs, God pursues him. He wants Jonah to be a part of this. God's patience is beautiful to me in this passage. So the situation probably didn't seem beautiful to Jonah- go tell a fiercely violent enemy that they are going to die. I imagine it looked absurd to him. But as I read it, I was thinking "Jonah, God is gonna use you to bring a people to Him! Go! Go! You get to be a part of something wonderful! God is being so good to give you another chance. He wants to use you."
And then the sword aspect of God's Word comes. Stab. I wonder how many times God has had to tell me something twice. Not only I am completely arrogant and retarded not to obey the first time, but I'm also just as narrow minded as Jonah. I can sense God leading me in a direction that's scary and uncomfortable. And since that's all my shaded eyes see, I hesitate. God tells me twice and more. He is so patient not to blow out by obstinate life candle right then. He is also so kind to offer me a position in His plan, even after I say "No thanks" or "I'm sorry. What?" I remember several things in my life that I would have never chosen to go through, but He led me through them anyway. Even when the situations were terrifying and painful, I was a part of something beautiful. How different could my perspective of pain be if I recognized the everlasting beauty of God's plan and His goodness to include me in it.
I have to stop and thank God- For everything I've been through. For what I'm going through. For what I will go through- because although it may not be appealing now, I can sense His voice echoing my comments to Jonah: "Come on, Chanel. I know it's scary. But I'm gonna do something incredible here, and I want you to be a part of it."
Saturday, July 10, 2010
The Walk
On June 29th I took a long and wonderful walk down the beach. I was by myself. I walked at the water's edge where the ocean lessened the summer's heat. I have no idea how long I was away from my family. I lost all track of time. I was just walking- sometimes thinking, sometimes not. Just walking- and it was wonderful. Occasionally I would look down and spot a perfectly beautiful seashell and snatch it up before the waves reclaimed it. I would be perfectly excited about my new found shell for the following few minutes. I wasn't looking for shells. I just happened to notice them and pick them up along the walk. Upon my return, I gave the shells to my aunt because she collects them. At this point the shells didn't mean much to me anyways. It wasn't about the shells. It was about the walk.
This incidence spoke to me tremendously. My close friends and family can testify that I am a work-a-holic. I am so easily consumed by work and by preparations. I shamefully admit that my tendency is to be completely focused on preparing for the next step. And this focus is not enjoyable either. I work so hard all the time saying that it will be over soon and will be worth the work. I treat the completion like a milestone that must be reached. Then that moment of completion finally comes. I am satisfied for a moment then begin to miserably prepare for something else. I hate myself when I recognize this tendency.
God showed me something through that beach walk. Life is not about my self-created milestones. The walk was not about finding the next shell. Just as I found beautiful shells without the search for them being my focus, I can complete tasks and reach new levels without driving all my energy into accomplishing those things. I painfully admit that at the end of my life, I will not sweetly recall my GPA, my research hours, or my exercise regimen. These are the shells. I will recall my life as a whole, the walk. And again I recognize that my life will probably be 5% shell and 95% walk. So it seems I need to change my focus. Certainly the shells are beautiful and unique. But there's joy to be had in the walk.
Father, teach me to joy in the walk.
This incidence spoke to me tremendously. My close friends and family can testify that I am a work-a-holic. I am so easily consumed by work and by preparations. I shamefully admit that my tendency is to be completely focused on preparing for the next step. And this focus is not enjoyable either. I work so hard all the time saying that it will be over soon and will be worth the work. I treat the completion like a milestone that must be reached. Then that moment of completion finally comes. I am satisfied for a moment then begin to miserably prepare for something else. I hate myself when I recognize this tendency.
God showed me something through that beach walk. Life is not about my self-created milestones. The walk was not about finding the next shell. Just as I found beautiful shells without the search for them being my focus, I can complete tasks and reach new levels without driving all my energy into accomplishing those things. I painfully admit that at the end of my life, I will not sweetly recall my GPA, my research hours, or my exercise regimen. These are the shells. I will recall my life as a whole, the walk. And again I recognize that my life will probably be 5% shell and 95% walk. So it seems I need to change my focus. Certainly the shells are beautiful and unique. But there's joy to be had in the walk.
Father, teach me to joy in the walk.
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