The Walk

On June 29th I took a long and wonderful walk down the beach. I was by myself. I walked at the water's edge where the ocean lessened the summer's heat. I have no idea how long I was away from my family. I lost all track of time. I was just walking- sometimes thinking, sometimes not. Just walking- and it was wonderful. Occasionally I would look down and spot a perfectly beautiful seashell and snatch it up before the waves reclaimed it. I would be perfectly excited about my new found shell for the following few minutes. I wasn't looking for shells. I just happened to notice them and pick them up along the walk. Upon my return, I gave the shells to my aunt because she collects them. At this point the shells didn't mean much to me anyways. It wasn't about the shells. It was about the walk.

This incidence spoke to me tremendously. My close friends and family can testify that I am a work-a-holic. I am so easily consumed by work and by preparations. I shamefully admit that my tendency is to be completely focused on preparing for the next step. And this focus is not enjoyable either. I work so hard all the time saying that it will be over soon and will be worth the work. I treat the completion like a milestone that must be reached. Then that moment of completion finally comes. I am satisfied for a moment then begin to miserably prepare for something else. I hate myself when I recognize this tendency.

God showed me something through that beach walk. Life is not about my self-created milestones. The walk was not about finding the next shell. Just as I found beautiful shells without the search for them being my focus, I can complete tasks and reach new levels without driving all my energy into accomplishing those things. I painfully admit that at the end of my life, I will not sweetly recall my GPA, my research hours, or my exercise regimen. These are the shells. I will recall my life as a whole, the walk. And again I recognize that my life will probably be 5% shell and 95% walk. So it seems I need to change my focus. Certainly the shells are beautiful and unique. But there's joy to be had in the walk.

Father, teach me to joy in the walk.