Get Dressed

This post is unashamedly written from a female heart to all women. Much inspiration and examples from Beth Moore's So Long, Insecurity

I am becoming increasingly and disgustedly aware of my own insecurities, of our own insecurities. I am going to think through a typical day of mine and include some of the thoughts that have ever had a tendency to go through my head. See if you can relate.

As soon as my mental consciousness resumes, "I despise mornings. I'm exhausted. I won't be worth anything today." Then "Chanel, don't think until after you get out of the shower. Just shut up and walk."
In the shower I recount all my failures from yesterday and think about how I will do better today. While putting on makeup, "Is that too much? Is it obvious? Why does it never look like the girls on TV? I'm trying to accentuate my eyes, but it looks like someone beat me up. This mascara said 'volumizing'. Bull. Why are my eyes so small? I look like a rat. I swear _____ just wakes up gorgeous."
Let's move on to hair. "Really, did all of you decide to frizz out today. Today? I have a presentation. Straightener. And now I have no volume whatsoever. It looks like 7th grade all over again. Make the poof. Uneven. Try again. Too big. Try again. Uneven. Give up. I'll just run my hand through it every once in a while and maybe accomplish the Jennifer Anniston look, Better yet. Pony tail."
And boy, does it get fun when I try to find something to wear. "Oh my word. I am an elephant. The only smooth thing about me is my milkshake addiction. Chanel, you are disgusting. You make yourself look like this. It's your fault. You have no discipline or self-control whatsoever. Just pick something and put a jacket over it. I hate myself."
Finally I get to class. "I love these shoes. Am I slouching? Am I wobbling? Are my heels making too much noise? Are they staring at me? Act confident. Don't make any eye contact. Smile a little. I feel like a giant with this bookbag. Don't trip. Sit near a wall."
Then these thoughts are fertilized at lunch in the cafeteria. Before I even get in the door, I am calling friends like a maniac to see if anyone already has a table. "Where are they? Look busy. If you don't see anyone, just put your stuff down and go get food. Take your phone. Text. Occupy your mind. This floor is very slippery. If I fall and drop something, I may die. Awkward conversation at the salad bar. Sit down. No one is here. Grab a book. Study something. Look busy."

I am only half way through this hypothetical day, and I am already exhausted with typing all this. Which probably means you are tired of reading it. You get the point. We question ourselves all day.

We constantly doubt our basic social functions. I know where this has left me. Exhausted. and so fragile. Listen, I know that women are generally more fragile that men, but 2 X chromosomes and extra estrogen does not mean we are walking on broken glass.
We do feel some different pressures than men, but they don't have it easy either. And granted, some of our insecurities are rightfully earned. A magazine for a renowned women's store came in the mail the other day for its semi-annual sale. I love this store, so I glanced through the pages. There were a lot of pages and by the end, I handed it to my mom and said "You can throw this away along with my last shred of self-esteem." That is what we stand up against- an unattainable goal if you have anything less than a cook, trainer, and photographer highly skilled in airbrushing. But it still just makes you feel so "less than."

Some of our insecurities have come greatly from culture, but others we need to own. We have made them for ourselves right out of our own pride. Let's be honest with each other. How many of us have not gone to the gym (despite our honest desire to work out) because we don't want people to see us? I know I have been a straight-up master at that one. How about this- has your confident mindset ever taken a dive because someone gave a presentation right before you and it was great? Do we ever get a little irritated because our guy-pals found the new girl and have shifted their attention? The guy we used to date walks into church with a gorgeous girl. You met someone you really admire, and you said something really stupid. All our improper responses in these instances are the results of us twisting a God-given desire. We want to be noticed. We want significance. We don't want to be "a" anything. We want to be "the" all the time or at least in something. We want to be the fittest, funniest, prettiest, friendliest, or "the" something else. There will always be someone better than us, and that realization sends us into self-loathing because we can't meet our fabricated expectations. That's pride. That's our doing. We let that pride rob us of so much. In fact, it often robs us of what it promised us. The desire to give the best presentation leads us to make a blubbering fool out of ourselves after we freak out because the person right before us did an amazing job. The desire to be the most fit never allows us to get in shape because we don't want to be seen until we are the most fit. Pride is a liar that gives you insecurity instead of security. "Pride is dignity's counterfeit." However, the desire for significance was put in place to drive us to our Creator. He has already defined who we are. He has set our value, and it's more than our minds can handle.

We have every bit of strength and dignity, and it came right from the God of the universe. Strength and Dignity. We are clothed in it (Prov. 31:25). But we often take off our robes of strength and dignity. Instead we lay naked in the cruel streets of society where we take hard hits and assume "victim" as our identity. No, ladies. Enough. Stand up and get dressed.

Culture is hard, yes. We may have backgrounds that offered us little security if any. Our hearts may have been trashed by someone we trusted. And we may have twisted our God-given tendencies into hungry and deceiving lies. We were not created to be wounded creatures. If we have been redeemed, we have the power of the risen Savior inside of us. How dare we say we can not be healed? How dare we say that life has dealt us a rotten hand, and we can't recover? Life hurts. I have spent countless nights sobbing over hurts that were beyond my control, and I know that you have too. God is greater. Christ is stronger than the blows that I have received. Christ is more piercing than the lies that I have formed. He runs deeper than the expectations I hold for myself.

Enough lies. Enough resentment. Enough seeking "perfection."

We are lying naked in the dirt. Filthy and blood-stained. I can see Christ in my heart. Kneeling in the filth. Holding the robes He made for me. "Sweetheart, you dropped this. Get up and get dressed."